


Breath {A short Monologue}

by kaluha (orphan_account)



Category: Homestuck
Genre: God Tier, Monologue, Other, Sadstuck
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-02-03
Updated: 2012-02-03
Packaged: 2017-10-30 13:12:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 946
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/332103
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/kaluha
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>Has it been a year or day, or has it been a breath?</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	Breath {A short Monologue}

Gods are not men.  
Gods are Gods – super beings, being who care _not_ for the ways of mortal men, for they have no morality of their own; living an eternal life.  
We are Gods. We haven’t always been so.  
I remember, a long time ago, we were children.  
Children lost and fighting, children small and pure.  
We were ravaged by war.  
Covered in the same blood stains you would find on soldiers with wrinkled skin and grey hair.  
We stopped being kids a long time ago.  
But when did we stop being human?

It was those of Space who fell first. Their minds became lost in paradox space. They began to have trouble keeping themselves in the right dimensions, confusing timelines and people and soon their knowledge of being began to crush them and they simply forgot to be. I wasn't all that shocked when Jade disappeared for good. She'd been coming in and out of existence like a flickering light until finally she went out. Some days I think she's still with us and I wonder if she knows herself she is invisible to us or if she's screaming at us to just _see_ her - open our eyes and see her _please_. Their minds are still floating around out in space somewhere, some place, that I am sure – but if they’ll ever come back into physical being, I cannot say. 

The seers went next. They began to confuse future and current events – began to lose track of the timeline. They became afraid of the consequences of actions, scared to trigger a chain of events in fear of leading to disaster. They grew into themselves, frightened and afraid to move. Thus, they fell into solitude, holed up in dark rooms as not to impact events and scared to make even the smallest of decisions. They refused visitors, and they starved – cold and alone. Some days I'd peek in to check on Rose. I watched her skin grow tight around her bones, her eyes hollow out and I watched as she went from my sister and friend to a skeleton than a corpse. She had given up, something I had never expected from her. She had surrendered to death and I think that thought is more upsetting than the fact she's actually dead. I cried more than I had ever cried before when we kicked down her bolted door. I cried out my heart as I held her almost weightless body in my arms - a frame work of a once beautiful human being.

Those of Time followed soon after. It was Aradia who went first, but I was stupid and ignorant to the signs. I didn’t think that I was so weak as to be overwhelmed by something completely in my command, I had had my heart torn out and I had promised both Jade and Rose I would not follow after them and soon I believed it as gospel. However, I began to lose track of time quickly. I had seen the future, the past, the present, the not to be - I was confused. Time would pass but I was unable to measure it, so desensitised was I to it's passing. I would let a minute go past, only to find out that minute had been almost a year. I knew what I must have looked like to the others, because it’s what Aradia had looked like. I was immobile. My time was different than theirs, therefore my body moved differently. Their days were my miliseconds and I could get back into sync. Every now and then our time would catch up however, and I would see John’s worried face and share a few anxious words. He had broken down crying, gripped onto me and held me like a child but our time quickly unsynced again. I was his last friend, and he was losing me too. I felt sick. I felt like the worst kind of human being imaginable. I didn’t want to put him through this – I didn’t want him to watch me become prey to myself. So I left. I threw myself into the pendulum of time and decided instead to resign myself to the dream bubbles as Aradia had done before me. Time did not exist here, therefore I was safe. I was normal again – but I would never be able to leave. I would never see John again. 

I don’t know what exactly happened to the others. When I met up with Aradia I found out they had met their fates also. The details of these fates, I’m not certain. I wish I knew. I want closure, I want to know what they went through before the end. I want to know if they had fallen prey in peace or if they had suffered. Well at least I remember I wanted to. I stopped feeling things a very long time ago. I am only capable of the most basic of emotions at this present time. I love and I hate. I am black and I am white. I don’t know how long these emotions will remain to entertain me, but I know that they are dimming. Soon I don’t know what I will become, but I know that I will no longer be human. I will only know how to feel from the memory of them - and even those are not eternal.

This all happened years ago.  
Well, I think they are years.  
I do not age – I have no way of measuring time anymore.  
It could have been centuries ago.  
It could have been yesterday.  
I am lost.  
I am unsure.

_And dear God I wish I could be scared._


End file.
